Growing up in an active LDS family, fasting has always been a part of my life, even when I just observed my parents and older sister participate. My dad has a unique ability to teach complex concepts in a few simple, powerful words. I remember when he taught us about fasting. I understood that there should be a purpose, something I take to the Lord. I knew the fast constituted refraining from food and water for 24 hours or two meals. I understood that the money I could have spent on food would give relief to the hungry and the needy when I gave that, plus more to the bishop. I recognized that this time of putting the Spirit above the body was refining and opened me up to greater spiritual gifts. It all made complete sense intellectually. But as I matured and had to put the flesh to the principle, the practice of a fast to relieve the poor and increase my own spirituality was not so simple. In fact, it just felt like hunger for a long time. The flesh was indeed weak.
Later in my teen years, as my physical growth slowed and my spiritual reservoir was little deeper, I started to appreciate the fast rather than dread it. As I entered my adult years, slowly I began to feel some of the beauty of the fast. When it was time to decided if I should marry Dad, I welcomed the fast, placing all of my energy into faith that I could know God’s will for me at that important point in my life.
Then just as I was getting good at it, when I looked forward to monthly prescribed fasts, I entered the era of child-bearing. During pregnancy and nursing babies, I could not fast. And I missed it! I tried it even against good counsel reasoning that especially in the early weeks, it couldn’t hurt much. But of course I had to relent and answer the larger duty I held as a mother.
I remember one RS lesson on fasting when I was nursing Cambry a woman shared that her diabetic husband cannot fast. But he decided to adapt the fast for his body. So he eats to maintain his body, but so that he has the natural break from the body fasting allows, he eats bland foods or foods he doesn’t like. I felt that this was just for me so that I could find a way to adapt my fast for the coming years.
A good deal of my adult life I have been pregnant or nursing. I bore children through 17 years and nursed children at least a year and often longer. There was one stretch where I never had a break: I went from carrying you to nursing you to carrying Parker without ever weaning. So there was a very long stretch, perhaps three years, with only adapted fasts.
When I was finally through nursing Parker, I was so excited to make a complete fast. We were meeting in our current ward and I remember marveling during fast and testimony meeting starting with the sacrament. The Spirit was so strong, it was almost tangible, electric. I started peeking around at ward members wondering if they were feeling this intense opening of spirit I felt. Tears filled my eyes and wet my cheeks the entire meeting. I felt so much love for my family and my ward members. And I felt awed that God recognized my yearning, my reaching. This was a singular event and I didn’t seek or create it, but I treasure it.
In recent years, Isaiah 58:6-12 articulates some of what I felt in that hour:
6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?
7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?
8 ¶Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy rearward.
9 Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity;
10 And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday:
11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.
12 And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.
Dad has used these verses as bishop when counseling people. What blessings could we need that aren’t granted here? Dad himself is counting on this blessing as he prepares for this fast as he needs the gift of the repairer the the breach this Sunday as he meets with a struggling ward member.
When we received a declaration against the Church from a loved one, Elise suggested we all fast. And we did immediately. During this time, Grandma P searched fasting and found this gem in the Bible Dictionary: It was regarded as a natural way of showing sorrow.
My understanding of fasting grows. I don’t know everything. But I acknowledge what I have been given.
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