May 3, 2015
Dear Riley,
Hi, son! I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re serving a mission! I’m so looking forward to speaking with you next week. What a thrill!
It’s been quite a week. I’m fasting still so that may intensify my exhaustion, but I am exhausted. No need to tell you anything about Monday; I practically sent you play-by-pay picture emails. Except, I must say that the Payson Temple was extraordinary. The craftsmanship was astonishing. It is a large temple. One sealing room had a panel of windows floor to ceiling and it was breathtaking!
Perhaps because I am so tired, I can only remember things I want to share with you from yesterday. We went down to Manti to clean my grandma’s yard and A caught a ride with us. Ruth’s great grandchildren are old enough be helpful now, plus we were there earlier in the year, so we were done with the work before noon. My cousin organized some yard games to help the great-grands get to know each other. Elise said the way he went about it made her think of how you would do it. “OK, all the kids who want to play a game, gather round….”
On the way to the open house, Josie got her fish pancake that Dad had made her.
This how we all felt on the way home from taking Cambry to the airport.
Perhaps because I am so tired, I can only remember things I want to share with you from yesterday. We went down to Manti to clean my grandma’s yard and A caught a ride with us. Ruth’s great grandchildren are old enough be helpful now, plus we were there earlier in the year, so we were done with the work before noon. My cousin organized some yard games to help the great-grands get to know each other. Elise said the way he went about it made her think of how you would do it. “OK, all the kids who want to play a game, gather round….”
Grandma with Josie and A.
Josie wasn't too shy to ask W for a ride. He even went and got it back out for her.
After the work and games, we made our way over to C’s for dinner. I took the pasta salad with broccoli, cauliflower, olives and cheese. Josie loved it and went back with Dad for seconds which she ate some of, but then she got up to play. When she returned, Dad was just reaching his hand back from her plate and she chastened him: Hey, don’t eat my food. So he put the broccoli back on her plate and she sat down satisfied. A moment later, having surveyed her plate she let out an exasperated, “Aghhh. You ate an olive!” We can’t get away with anything!
My Mom's family. Good, good people!
A little later I was speaking with another cousin and noticed the tops of the trees by the little playhouse rustling with kids in the tree top. I took a second to see who was up there and noted that it wasn’t my kids which surprised me. She laughed out: they were up there; they’re the ones who started it.
Dad and I went to the temple last night. I had been pondering on the Brother of Jared and his climatic face-to-face interaction with God. I felt impressed to return and read of the preparation that went into that moment and ponder on his earlier interactions with the Lord. I realized the power of acting in obedience even without all the answers you seek. The Brother of Jared came to the Lord with three problems: how will we see, how will we steer, how will we breathe? The Lord took one away immediately, telling him there was no need to steer for the waves would drive them to the promised land. He answered how to construct a hole in the barges for air and how to proceed in the water to solve that problem. With that revelation, the Brother of Jared went forward and made the changes to the barges. THEN he came back to the Lord and said I have done as you instructed before asking his question again, how shall we see? I believe obedience opens the door to revelation.
Then in the temple last night, there was a point when I could hear, but not see a man. As he spoke to me, I heard in his voice, in tenor, intonation, and inflection, Brother DS. And I felt all of this love for this familiar friend. It struck me that we who obey God are sheep who know His voice. And for the first time I think I understood that we will feel love and recognition in Him before we see Him. It was a tender moment for me.
I also had a closure come to me this week in Eric’s passing. It has been difficult for me because we had to make a choice to stop supporting his body and allow him to pass. One of my book group ladies invited us all to watch The Book Thief since one of our ladies hadn’t seen it yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go as I felt a day behind all week. But I mentioned it to Dad at family prayer and he said, “You should go.” So I went. Thinking Aloud, an interview program on Classical 89 began on my five minute drive and I knew that was the reason I had been moved out. The interview was of a pulmonologist and critical care doctor up at the University of Utah. He spoke of the complex issues which are part of the medical scene now where 90% of death in physician’s care comes as a concrete decision of patients, their families, and doctors issuing care. I understood, perhaps for the first time, that the process of Eric’s death had begun some time earlier in the week and that process was interrupted with extreme medical procedures. When we removed those interventions, his death merely proceeded. For the first time, I was able to step back and realize that the extension of his death was a mercy to us and our decision to allow his death to proceed wasn’t a betrayal.
And I end with the strangest event in my week. I was shopping at LoLo’s after the temple last night and suddenly HAD to stop and use the restroom. Gripe. I parked my cart and did my business. I picked up my cart and decided to peruse the food storage area they put in over where the pharmacy should be, looking for corn meal. While still looking at the stacks, I pushed my cart forward and felt a prick in the web between my right thumb and index finger. I moved my hand a little, thinking I’d hit a cactus spine or something and turned to look as it poked again. It was a yellow jacket. What? Who would expect that?
I have to get dinner on. EW just dropped in with D who just returned from her mission in Texas. It was so good to share with them. However I have GP here for dinner as G is in California, and dinner isn’t even started. Man!
I love you so much and I can’t wait to speak with you. But you stay focused on your mission. I pray for you to speak with the tongue of angels. I expect that since this prayer was given by the Spirit that it is a gift God desires to bestow. I’m happy to hear that you have a good fit with Elder T!
Take care,
Mom
PS
PS
Dear Riley,
I was telling Grandpa that I almost can't sleep until I hear from you. If you email after I'm going to bed, I take my phone to my room so that I can check if I wake in the middle of the night. And the one week you emailed after 6AM our time, I was so concerned that you weren't ok. Grandpa laughed that Grandma is the same. She gets up sometimes multiple times in the night checking for your email. And when it comes in, she brings it to bed and reads it to him. Even at 4 in the morning.
Don't you feel loved?
And the other side is that on the occasions that you write before I go to bed, I still don't sleep soundly because I'm so excited for what I read, I'm dreaming about you and your experiences.
Love you,
Mom
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