Married to an older man

Funny that in the 17 years we've been married, I've never even noticed the age discrepency between Dave and myself. But yesterday he turned 40 and I suddenly feel like I'm married to an older man... afterall I'm hardly a day over 29.

Dave likes good food and a proper birthday celebration involves making stuff to stuff inside of other stuff you've made and then topping it with even more homemade stuff. It is an intense cooking day and there have been years when I have been less content to indulge him. This year was different.

When we were in India last month, Manisha's mother happily sat at the table releasing pomegranate seeds from the fruit for Dave and me. I shared that one time Anna was preparing pomegranates for grandkids and suddenly felt that the work which is usually a chore was as easy and enjoyable as anything. Milind said, "That is the power of emotion."

So for Dave's birthday cuisine I took some emotion, fed by good opera at high volume, and sang my own lyrics: "I love Dave, my Dave, the man I chose." And wouldn't you know, this was a great birthday for us both. The family devoured all our Swedish pancakes in the morning. Dave entertained the kids with stories of his youth for an hour after breakfast. He spent a good portion of his day using his new tools while I made his traditional enchilada dinner, which was also heartily consumed in short order. (They were the best batch I've ever made. Shama says the food tastes better when you love the person for whom you're cooking.) Better than the delicious food, I didn't feel hot and bothered, or even careful and troubled, with the preparations of the day. I only felt pleasure that I had this one day a year to serve Dave, my Dave, the man of my choosing, entirely. Emotion is powerful. How do we say it? "Charity never faileth."

Good morning! It takes one hour to make this breakfast for my family, fewer than 30 minutes for it to disappear. Indeed the food is short-lived, but the sense of love they feel through it endures.

Aleah presents Dave his presents. This year I had the gifts wrapped and ready a day or two before his birthday so he was able to enjoy and use them on his birthday.

Wes and Anna were able to join us for dinner. Katie and Johnny came for cake and ice cream.

Dave felt a little bad that he had graduated from candles to "slabs." But 40 is a big deal! The letters spelled out happy birthday so that he could have a few more lights to wish on. Riley said, holding a letter after they were removed from the cake, "Mom, there was 'p' on the cake." Such Parish humor!

Cambry's got my camera

Cambry took over my camera for a photo shoot of Aleah.

This photo shoot came after I decided to give the girls a haircut beyond what I've ever attempted to style. I thank my dad for this mindset that I can accomplish anything. The only thing I lack is a little knowledge, which is perfectly accessible on most topics, and experience. Poor Dave had a year of bad hair cuts while I was learning to cut his hair. But I now have enough experience to do that well. This time Aleah sat through at least three different hair-cutting sessions, broken with video training sessions on the computer. I'm not yet satisfied with the product, but I bet I'll have it down soon. This cut gets a few weeks to rest for now, and the subject is adorable enough to paint the worst of my attempts in good light.

Snow, Cambry's perspective

While I was feeling less than enthusiatic about the snow storm, Cambry was poetic, her assigned sonnet taking form from the weather. See why we're supposed to become as a little child? I was just worried about getting places in the muck. Cambry was watching a performance.

Impromptu Ballet

First one, then two, then three, they're all around!

Their tiny, little delicate skirts swirl,

the graceful dancers twirl, and leap, and bound,

as if the wind's the thing that makes them whirl.

The dancers all take part, this strange ballet,

A silent dance, and 'tis all improvised.

And so the gathered audience will stay.

There on the ground, they meet their quick demise.

The dainty dancers seem to float, suspend

The sun shines down, and makes it glisten so,

but that same sun shall bring about their end,

all on the ground, the quickly melting snow.

The children bring their hats and sleds and things,

and while they play, their glorious laughter rings.

All is WHITE

We had an incredible snow storm in the beginning of January. It snowed for 30 hours dumping many inches of snow. I couldn't believe that we didn't even get one snow day from school! Driving the truck was impossible until Dave put chains on the rear tires (the four-wheel-drive is out on the truck since the first transmission replacement which we are loathe to repeat for four-wheel). We got over a foot of snow in that storm and near the end I went into the front and measured down to the grass: 17" of snow, though there was a little on the ground when the first flurries came. What a memory!

Parker and the kids created "rooms" in the snow.

A view from our street looking east, a winter wonderland. As you can see there was no distinction between sidewalk and street. The truck got stuck here more than once. Marie came to pick up Liesel this evening and she got stuck coming and going even with her snow tires that take her all over ski resort areas.

Snow on the back bench.

The Nelsons bushes looking like gumdrops.

Look at the trunk of the apple tree, or lack of one.

Elise having fun.

This is a staight-on shot from our back patio to show the shelf of snow which stood abruptly outside the protection the roof.

Winter beauty.

Careful and Troubled

While we were in India we had a conversation that I have been pondering. Mokashi told me that my health troubles start in my head because I feel so burdened by things. I related the bible story of Mary and Martha. I know that I am "cumbered about" often and "careful and troubled" about a great many things. I don't know why.

As I have pondered on this, I went back to the scripture. Below I have pasted the story from Luke 10.
38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

I reviewed the scripture and it was recorded earlier in Luke that Jesus had fed the multitude with a few fishes and a loaf of bread. Martha surely knew of this miracle. She may even have eaten the heavenly meal, yet on this day she felt responsible and burdened to meet a multitude of needs. Then I thought about a pivital time in my life when I was not feeling very fulfilled as a woman with three small children.

At that time, I made a conscious decision to change my objectives each day. I put loving and enjoying my kids on my list of things to do rather than the cleaning and the shopping. And it worked. I began to enjoy what I was doing more and we didn't starve, we didn't live in filth, none of my worst fears were realized.

I think I need to be more submissive to God and His will, even than I have learned to be. I feel that we will not starve or live in filth, but God will provide the loaves and the fishes if we put the one needful thing first.

So I have felt more calm about things. Today something happened that would usually give me a stir: I got a terrible flat tire on the way to church. I thought the car was acting weird because the snow on the road was melting through in places. But once I got on the dry, busy Center Street, I realized something was wrong. I pulled over as far as the snowpack allowed and got out to inspect the damage. The kids walked the rest of the way to the church to alert Dave and I was thinking, quite calmly, about what to do. Some neighbors who were not on their way to church (many who were had passed me by already) but whom Dave and my big kids had spent a few hours helping yesterday offered to help, without knowing my connection. By the time Dave arrived, the spare tire was almost in place.

I felt honestly like God had placed fishes and loaves before I had recognized that I was weak with hunger. One thing only is needful and I want to choose that better part that will not be taken from me.

Merry Christmas!

The Saturday before Dave and I left for India was very hectic. I was racing to finish the last of the errands and trying to enjoy the warm chaos that being the mother of five children brings. We had seen Santa the night before at the ward party, something I thought would accomplish the all-important "request moment" for the kids. But Santa completely forgot himself and didn't even ASK the kids what they wanted. I was seriously considering a trip to the mall to secure the kids that their wishes were known, but how to fit one more thing in? Then as I began unloading the groceries, who should pull into our drive but Santa himself! He came in, took a photo with us, asked each child what they wanted and generally was in no hurry to leave. I count this as one of the blessings we acquired for obeying the Spirit. Visit with Santa: check!

We got home four days before Christmas. The night we arrived a HUGE snow storm hit! We must have gotten more than a foot of snow. The kids went out and created a gigantic snowman, taller than 6'. I intended to take a shot of it, but trust me, it was impressive. Our little engineers built a ramp to load the heavy middle and large head ontop of the bottom. It was hard to imagine that the day before I was warm and cozy...

Parker gave us a couple intense days leading up to Christmas. It all came to a head Christmas Eve when he was demanding to know if Santa was real. I felt led in our conversation as to how I should respond. I challenged him with questions: what are you really worried about? Are you worried that he isn't real or that you are not going to have Christmas? Do you have to see and understand something for it to be true? Finally, I asked him to play "what if" with me. What if Santa is real? Then he always was real and things will continue on pretty much as they always have. What if Santa is not real? Then he never was real and things will continue on pretty much as they always have. The impact to Parker is null. Would you know, that little bit of logic spoke to him and we actually had a little bit of peace where there had been very little.

Christmas eve was spent with the Bramwells up in Layton. Mom, who is still recovering from her knee surgeries, had been hustling around the day before doing too much and fell... hence she required a little more R&R than she had anticipated for the event. But we had a very nice, simple dinner of soup, salad, and rolls. I brought up the confections from India and everyone really enjoyed tasting the selections. The kids put together and presented the nativity ON THEIR OWN with Ben reading the narrative from Luke. Then we all sat around and sang Christmas carols. We are starting to sound full and good as the kids grow up, we even had harmony. I enjoyed the evening so much that I forgot to snap any pictures until the end when all the kids had gone in to convalesce with Mom.

Aleah was the first one up Christmas morning. I remember trying to pull myself out of sleep to understand that she was ready to go down and open her present. She was concerned a little that she had two and maybe that was too many. She was patient, though, and waited a bit for everyone else to reach consciousness.

Discovering what Santa brought is always fun.

While we were in India, Katie and Johnny helped the kids draw names to give to, and took them out shopping for their gifts. THANKS GUYS! I thought it was particularly sweet that each of them opened the present from their sibling first. They are getting a taste for the joy of giving. Incidentally these are not necessarily the presents they got for each other, just shots of each child I liked best.

Wes and Anna brought our presents down and we had a nice visit and listened to a disk they gave us. After they left we finished our food assignments, Dave went to sip a hot chocolate with a lady in a care center, and then we headed down to Christmas dinner with them. It was only us there!!! We got off synch the Dave's siblings at Thanksgiving and so we had a quiet time with the Parishes. The food, of course was great. They had given us Apples to Apples and we had a good time playing that together. We watched the Sissel Christmas DVD, the Gordon B. Hinckley documentary, and finally a Christmas Carol.

It's hard for me to believe, with all the events of this week, that we have been home just a week. I cooked Indian tonight and had Wes and Anna over on the spur. They enjoyed the evening and looked at our pictures and let us share our trip. I love this break in the year when everything slows down and we are able to connect with our family at heart. And we have one more week of it!!! Merry Christmas everyone! My heart is full of love for you all.

An early Christmas present in India

Altitude: 38000. Time to destination: 3:30. This is my time to review and consider the days we spent with our loved ones in Pune, India. When I return home all thoughts will be Christmas, children, and local loved ones; those over whom I cried to leave six days ago.

Traveling to India was uneventful for us. We did have to hustle to catch our flight in Atlanta after being delayed from Denver, but we made it. A terrible ice storm covered many of the States and one in five planes was grounded. Had we flown the itinerary I had been scouting, we could likely have been sitting with hundreds of other travelers waiting in airports. Since we (I) had planned such a short trip, a delay would have cost us precious time. I see God’s hand in this circumstance.

I still marvel at the development of the relationship that takes us to a collective family half way around the world. But the ties are sincere, the bonds fast. Since we were to be there such a short time, we requested to do no sight-seeing, but just to visit. We got together for parties and functions and enjoyed them in a way that makes my heart ache to be removed again.

Wednesday. Ahloo paratha. I had asked that I be allowed to try things in the kitchen to learn what I was missing. Manisha cooked something I have repeatedly asked about. I don’t know that I can mimic it yet, but I know more of the process. And I felt her love as she taught me things throughout the trip.

We met in the middle of the day at Mokashi’s for a wedding ceremony. I was interested as they sat in the living room with chip fires burning performing a ritual of washing and anointing. There was a round of gift-giving to the bride’s family of clothes. Since we had brought a BYU t-shirt for Mokashi, he accepted it there and wore his first t-shirt ever. I was quite tired at the lunch, nearly too much to eat. (Of course we were up most of the night before the departure packing and the flight over offered little sleep as there was a toddler crying most of the flight. We got in late and I woke early, anxious to chat with the kids back home.) Yet in my tired state, the beautiful and delicious presentation was not lost on me. After lunch I was able to get mendhi on my hands for the wedding. (It was so nicely done that I have had Indian and American women stop me all the way home to tell me how well they like it.)
We took a welcome rest after the lunch and were nicely refreshed. I went back to the Mokashi’s to have a final fitting of the tunic for the saree and then we went to Shama’s dosa party that evening. I got to cook a few of the dosas, a thin pancake made of soaked rice and urad daal processed into a batter. Shama makes a mean sambar and chutney to accompany.

Sameer showed me a yoga pose to help fibromyalgia. Sameer is an expert yoga instructor and is going to help me develop the art long distance which I appreciate. I loved sitting around and visiting after dinner and singing “itsty-bitsy spider” with Snehal’s little girl Irawadi. I think I do not take enough time for similar gatherings in my life and it was good to enjoy the evening this way.

Thursday. Dave accompanied Milind and Mokashi to Mass Dye.

I stayed home with Manisha who has worked and made significant progress on her English. I already loved her heart from the last trip, but it was nice to be able to visit with her more this time. She and Snehal took me shopping that afternoon. We picked up some beautiful items to bring home and share with the kids.

That evening we congregated at Ashwini and Sameer’s.

We had a nice dinner, met Sameer’s parents who live with them, and practiced more yoga. I have much to learn. They gave me a nice yoga journal and a book written by Sameer’s guruji to give me a great foundation. Once again, sitting around visiting and joking after dinner was just wonderful.

Friday started entertainingly. Manisha’s alarm had not gone off and everything was helter getting Preeti off to school. The houses are open most of the time and so people will call for each other from outside. Preeti was being called from the autorickshaw “bus driver” who takes her load of kids to school. (That reminds me that one of the days I walked out with Manisha and Chaitra for her rickshaw trip to school and as they pulled away, the kids giggled at the sight of me.) After chatting with our kids at Shama’s (Milind’s internet was down) Mokahsi picked me up for an appointment with Nana, the aryuvedic doctor who has been helping me over the years. He was pleased to see me much improved. We stopped by Radika’s place (it was her wedding we attended in April) and I am pleased to have her placed in my mind.

Friday afternoon we went to a family-owned sweets shop. We got to see them creating confections in an apartment they’d converted into a factory. I tasted a fruit I’ve never had before, a pretty purple jamun which seemed to combine the flavor of cherries, plums, and cucumbers, which they turn into a barfee.

Friday afternoon I met Manisha’s best friend, Kateka (pretty sure that's not spelled correctly). She had spent ten years in the States and was curious for all that she had heard of us, why we were so different. She was adorable and it was nice to be loved automatically – again!

Friday evening we donned our sarees and went to the wedding.

It was a nice event, yet I started feeling melancholy. I really do feel at home there among our friends. That comfort leads me to feel I am straddling a huge gulf: an ocean and some continents. My heart is at home two places but the more it roots in India, the less whole it feels any one place. I felt a fracture that I could not bind. We were already eyeing our departure and I sensed the pain of separation from loved ones coming. A few tears slipped out that night as we sat down to hot chocolate with Milind and Manisha. As we talked that evening, I began to feel something different, a sense that eased my ache.

We stayed up late talking into the early morning and we can see how very similarly we view things. I have been feeling for some time that we have been prepared for these relationships and I think our faith has done much of the cultivating. But we are able to enrich and improve each other. I appreciate the expansion.

Saturday morning was the final wedding ceremony. I wore the beautiful saree Mokashi’s wife Smita had had made for me and I felt beautiful and elegant.

I enjoyed the ceremony and the event, though I felt a little bad that our departure pulled people away from the event we had come to attend. After another good meal, we headed back to Milind’s to load our bags and get on our way. They came together to send us off again, which ritual I love. I was sad to leave again, but this sense that began the evening before overrode my sorrow: I feel that the breech will be bridged: somehow at sometime, we will all be whole and together. I won’t have to choose one world or the other; they will both be my world.

And that sense is a good early Christmas present!