When Parker was small, we used to say he had two modes: asleep and loud. That didn't even prove true as he would sometimes have night terrors and be asleep AND loud. A little over a year ago he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). The months preceding the diagnosis were intense and painful. However we dug deep, got lots of practice using Love and Logic parenting principles, and worked as hard as we possibly could to help Parker conquer the foe.
Once we had the diagnosis, we began a nutritional protocol and homeopathic drops to support him. He really improved a lot. We were all working hard. But over the last few months we had a new swell of oppositional behavior. There were times when I handled it so perfectly. Then, thankfully, there was the day that I did not.
I was in charge of the March Relief Society birthday dinner with a friend. The food was primarily my responsibility and I don't know how to do things the easy way. So the day before this dinner I was intensely involved in the preparations for the food. Parker wanted something and I was requiring that he meet the standard family criteria to have it. When he was told that he had to finish something, he went from a reasonable voice to rage in less than a breath. He started screaming instantly and intensely. This is usually my cue to remove myself and everyone else from the area as it's a rare thing that he'll stay in his room for discipline. But I was actually walking over to his proximity to take care of some food as this all played out and he was right next to me as he cut loose. Out of instinct I reacted to the pulsing pain in my ear drum by slapping his face hard. Now on most kids, the shock of that slap would stop, at least for an instant, the progression of their behavior. But on Parker, it escalated it. He screamed louder, truly insanely, and ran out of the house. I locked to door behind him to give me some space to consider my course.
We made it through that night; he came back after a few hours and apologized. But the entire event made me evaluate where he really was and what toll being battle-weary was taking on my approach to him. And it wasn't just me, a few weeks earlier he'd been sent home from school for a serious fight with a friend. When I came home from the RS dinner, I did some research. I was ready to move to pharmaceutical interventions, but I don't ever like handing over full control to someone less vested than me. So I felt that I needed to be prepared to advocate for my son.
The research led me to see how very much we had already done correctly. In addition to immediate drug therapy, I was led to consider neurofeedback for long-term ADHD management. Researching that, I found a psychiatric clinic in Salt Lake that uses neurofeedback for a number of things including ADHD. Then I found a neurofeedback unit for home use that plugs into your video game system. The same psychiatric group he was scheduled to see was listed a professional group to facilitate home training sessions. The night that I had watched about this technique, I could scarcely sleep. I was so excited and happy. It was not unlike the sensation I had after my first real conversation with Dave: I knew something life-changing had crossed my path.
The appointment came quickly and the counselor prescribed for Parker. You would think that would be that. But I'd put Parker back on the homeopathic drops and he was working really hard and… I don't know all what. But the fear of abuse and addiction tugged at me. Plus the cost of the particular drug was high if we didn't have a pharmacy benefit on our insurance, a reality less than three weeks away. So I didn't fill the script immediately.
Again, luckily, two weeks later Parker had a moment of weakness and I could see that we were asking an awful lot of ourselves for a number of months in the future. I filled the prescription and actually found a way to accomplish the filling of it in coming months if we require.
Four days later, we have just celebrated our first holiday without a negative interchange with Parker since he was about four. He is a different kid this week from last. Yesterday we noticed how many times circumstances that would have been a match to kindling simply didn't ignite. I appreciate how hard he has been working as I see how light and enjoyable he is today. To make the week even better, his neurofeedback unit arrived yesterday. This could be Parker's, and subsequently, our family's year!
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